Here is an example of bad copywriting and the key element in why most products or services fail to be successful online. Take a minute or two to read through this brochure and ask yourself what is good in it and what is bad.  Below we will then explain what is wrong and why Coppercopy can help you prevent such mistakes.

Bad Copywriting Example

 

As you can see, the headline and tagline make no sense at all, which makes them a waste of space.

This brochure goes on to tell us this product is the “sexiest, safest, most stylish high performing system on the Australian market”. Two things really stand out in this sentence.

1. A “high performing system” could apply to so many products so is really just a bit of meaningless) hot air. It’s only when I look at the brochure’s image that I guess the product is a black solar panel.

2. I have to admit feeling amused at stylishness and sexiness being promoted as the most marketable feature. I think I care more about reducing my energy bills… How about you?

Then we move onto some other listed features.

The first bullet point tells me that there are local sales reps. I’m not entirely sure what the product is but I know I can talk to a local rep. Great. The feature list ends with letting me know I can get a no obligation assessment. (What can this do for me?)

At Coppercopy we recognise how important it is to prioritise your message so this kind of information should be associated with the brochure’s call to action.

Bad vs Good examples:

Bad – No obligation assessment
Good– ‘Find out if a ‘Techy solar panel’ is right for your home with an obligation-free assessment

Bad– local sales reps
Good– visit www.solarpanels.com to find your closest distributor.’

Bad– The very latest technology in solar microinverters.
Good – The latest technology in solar panels giving you cheaper energy bills.

The brochure talks up latest technology in some things I don’t understand – and so don’t care about. This is the classic difference between a feature and a benefit. A feature is a factual statement about a product. The benefit encapsulates the advantage that feature has on my life – why one should and will care.

The company offers a price guarantee but I’m not sure what the price guarantee entails or what it means for me. In summary, this brochure presents me with factual information that I don’t understand. There is jargon and there are features, but with no connection to the benefits of making my life more energy efficient. I am pretty sure the product itself is great, but this brochure really isn’t doing the company any favours.

Don’t risk letting your product or service gain the same negativity, let Coppercopy handle your ads, newsletters and onsite material so that you can have peace of mind. We will make sure that in whatever you are selling, the features will stand out and the benefits will sink in to the consumer you are after.